The Spider
Ashley, Shay and I were walking back to the cabin after swimming; the sun was cooking us like eggs on a hot stove. As we walked into the cabin, I noticed something black on the roof above my bunk. I climbed up the ladder to take a closer look at the...spider! I flew off the bed! Ashley tried to hit it with a shoe...she missed. The spider dropped onto my bed! We started ripping apart blankets. Our counselor walked in; she was shocked to see all the bedding everywhere. There it was! Shay squashed it with her shoe and I felt a wave of relief.
I really liked your story it`s really good! I like how you said ``the sun was cooking us like eggs on a hot stove.`` and not just saying ``it was hot.`` GOOD JOB!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story, and how you added a lot of descriptive sentences. I think you should read over your story to see if it flows smoothly. But overall, great story!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on carefully editing your story for punctuation and grammar. I can tell you took your time at this. Remember not to over use exclamation marks. A good use of sentence variety with long and short sentences. Keep up the creative writing.
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