River of Peace
Floating along the mountain coast I graze my hand along the water, rippling it. I yank out my umbrella and slow the motor until the spitting of the engine stops to nothing. I hit a hard rock and my knee turns bright red! It swells up as we turn the corner of the mountain. Suddenly, a frog jumps onto the ledge of my raft! It croaks a loud and slightly obnoxious frog croak and leaps back into the water. Such a big splash for just a little frog.
"Jackie! Wait up!" A distant voice calls.
It was so mesmerizing and peaceful I didn't recognize my brother followed me.
I really liked your story and enjoyed how you have used a lot of descriptive words, and a lot different sentence beginnings that make your story more interesting. I think you should add a comma after it says "Suddenly" because it is an introductory word. But Overall, good story!
ReplyDeleteI liked your descriptive words you used.
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