The thin paper was tearing as I grabbed the top. Pushing myself up I grasped a handful of icing. A climber hoisted themselves upon a monstrous marshmallow as I looked beside me. Inhaling cinnamon, I sneezed, it burned but that didn’t matter, for I had hiked Mt.Chupchake. I rushed over to the lake of chocolate and threw my hand into it. Tugging and pulling my hand out cautiously the chocolate dripping off my finger tips.
“ROBBIE!” A voice called.
Suspiciously, I scanned the area around me.
“ROBBIE!” The voice called again.
Suddenly, I woke up from the glorious cupcake dream.
I really like the idea of your story and your last sentence is very well written. You need to have a capital letter after your speaking parts because it is a new sentence, an I think that maybe you should rewrite your first sentence so it hooks the reader in more. But overall, it's a great story!
ReplyDeleteYou might want to check a thesaurus for more interesting and powerful language
ReplyDeleteand instead of cupcake it says chupchack
I understand how it's confusing but it wasn't a spelling error it was supposed to be a slight change of letters to make it sound different. So instead of Mt.Cupcake iput Mt.Chupchake.
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