The Storm
Lauren, Sierra, and I swam from for hours in Sierra's pool. Once we were done we put on our matching orange onzie pyjamas and went into the basement to watch a movie, but silence washed over us as lightening lit up the sky and thunder shook our bodies with fear. We huddled in the couch as the lights flickered. Then flickered again. Then it all went black. Creeeeek. The door opened and we all squished closer and tighter together.
Suddenly, "Aggghh!" We all screamed as the person got closer and the lights turned on, "Tim!"
"Oh sorry, did I scare you?" Tim smiled mischievously.
I don't think you need the from in your first sentence. You might also want to include who Tim is. I think the ending is a bit rushed. You could probably improve that.
ReplyDeleteYour second sentence is a bit of a run-on sentence and i am not really sure who Tim is or how he flows with the story so you may want to clarify that. But other than that great story!
ReplyDeleteI agree with castile but I loved the humor in your story.
ReplyDelete